Numb and dumber

This week's mileage has gotten (is getting) somewhat ridiculous. Yet, here I sit in denial of what I'm putting my body through and how well it seems to be responding. If all goes according to plan, I should top 70  miles this week...hell, I've done half of it already.

I should be ecstatic and elated that I've been able to push beyond the meager 25-or-so-miles-per-week I was doing not more than 60 days ago. For whatever reason, I'm fairly numb to it all. I've been trying not to think about the total distance each week because it just makes the runs (and week) seem longer. Next week is an "easy" week so I'm looking forward to dialing it back a bit.

It's weeks like this that really help bring everything back into perspective though. Sure, running 100 miles might sound dumb to most folks. But then again, these are often the people who lack the perspective to comprehend that such a feat is even possible.

I freely admit that when I started my training plan, I couldn't wrap my head around running 100 miles - let alone 100 km. It seemed like a pipe dream. No - a physical impossibility. But that's why you train. You teach the body and the mind that anything can be achieved. Guess what? Over time, it starts to become real.

Disbelief turns to confidence. Fear turns to strength.

"Impossible is not a word, it's only an excuse not to try"

Don't let fear stand in the way

There is nothing worse than being paralyzed by fear.

Fear of the unknown - Fear of failure - Fear of letting people down.

These are natural feelings to have when faced with a new situation but truly, it is our response to those feelings that helps shape and define us and the outcome. Some folks deal with fear by ignoring it or never acting on it. Others face it and resolve to let it make them a better person.

What I find most interesting is that this can be true both professionally and personally. So many people think/fear that they can't do something and it literally just shuts them down and prevents them from even trying.

I'd like to think that I take a very pragmatic approach to the fears I face. Whether it's in my new role at work or the goals I set as an endurance athlete. There is often risk. There is often failure (in the purest sense of the word). But they're often calculated risks - hiccups you might say, that limit the damage to myself, others and the situation while still allowing a smooth recovery and an opportunity to learn from the mistake.

For me, this week has been about facing fears and knowing when to pick your battles.

Professionally, I had to fight the fight and dive in. I made some mistakes, I learned some new things and yet, I'm still making things happen. I revel in the fact that I learned (several) new things and am a better person/manager because of it.

Athletically, I've chosen not to fight. I knocked out a possible head cold earlier in the week and though I should be putting in some mileage, I've chosen to rest and ignore what the training calendar says. I'd rather be healthy for my race this weekend than sitting at home curled up in a ball on the couch (although the Ironman World Championships does air this weekend).

Fear of failing should never make it OK to give up before you've even tried. Making mistakes is part of life and if you don't allow yourself the opportunity to know your limits, then you'll never know what your capable of.

"Being defeated is often a temporary condition. Giving up is what makes it permanent."

Fear mixed with doubt

Coming off sickness is one of the most precarious places to be when training. I've had a week "off" trying to recuperate and regain my strength.

Translation: (1) Sleeping in (2) Eating poorly

While I'm feeling better, I am still filled trepidation knowing that if I push too hard, I'll be right back on my ass gulping NyQuil for a week. Being sick is hard enough but knowing that my next scheduled race (Pass Mountain 50K) is only a few weeks away, I have to be able to ramp my mileage up again to be remotely ready for a 50 km race.

I am slightly worried that I won't have the mojo in the coming weeks to get there. There's even a small bit of doubt that clouds my judgement on whether I should force myself back into training even though I'm probably only at 85% strength.

My motto is, you just have to try. You may fail. And that's OK. Then again, you may succeed. And when you do, that fear mixed with doubt slowly disappears...and is replaced with strength and confidence.

And that, my friends, is a good day indeed.

Facing the fear

I start training next Monday and I have to admit there is good and bad circling my psyche right now. On one hand, I'm excited to start dedicating myself to a single purpose and regaining my fitness - I have been bummed about my inability to (comfortably) cinch the belt that one extra hole since early November. The down-side is just the initial hurt of teaching the body to remember what it's like to swim, run or bike really far 5 days a week.

I am also unsure how to feel about a life change I'm making for 2010 - I'm going to stop drinking. Don't get me wrong - I'm not a full-fledge alcoholic or anything but there were plenty of times last year during training when a long Saturday morning ride was bamboozled by a great poker night with the guys. Aside from the missed training days, it also just makes you more susceptible to getting sick. Given that I'm a magnet for any virus, bacteria or germ my kids bring home, I think it will be an overall positive change.

I am hoping that I am recovered enough by Monday to start going after it - I'm nursing a sinus infection at the moment but feeling better every day now. Here's to a great year of training and focus...